Saturday, January 10, 2015

Marking days

Sunset Christmas eve
My second job has cut back my already anorexic hours, 
this has left me feeling quite anxious.
you know the normal, how am I gonna pay the bills kind of stuff.
I didn't realize how stressed I was until I took a pic of myself holding one of our cats
 to send to The Barren at work... 
to distract him for a moment from his stressful day as well.
My eyes were sunken, and I had shades of grey under them.
The cat looks quite handsome....clearly our work to keep him stress free is working well.

I have sold work this last year, but it is FAR from being able to survive on and often makes me question myself and if it is worth my motives to maintain this life as an artist.
I have asked The Barren many times over and over again if I should get other work...
or stop pursuing this life's call/ fantasy?! 
Repeatedly, he has said no, that this is what I am suppose to do, not work other jobs or distract myself from my artwork. He sees it as a long arch and that I am in the climb...
I am left trusting him, as I often find myself on shaky feet.
When he finishes a day filled with tension and frustration, 
I want to fix it an sadly my options are thin.
It leaves me feeling horrible, like I have done this to him....

I don't like where this post is going....

It is moments like this that I search my mind for other options to find income...I look at want ads and try and figure out if I could do this or that....all of them point out the fact that I would not be able to have time clear for art making.  
I literally can not imagine another way to live....
it is inspiring but terrifying as well.
I have added work to my online shop every day, and have begun the slow incline to find what my year will look like.
This the grab your bootstraps time.
This is the shake it off and walk it out moment
This is where I am suppose to thrive!

I am the only person who can change the coarse of my life.
It is powerful, intimidating and massive!
I am trying to be present, aware of the now
and not run from it.
I have made a tall order...and need to not let The Barren down...
or myself.

Sunrise Thursday morning

1 comment:

Amel said...

Hey, if you want you can share your online shop link with me so I can help spread the word, too. Who knows it may help? :-) You can send me the link through email as well if you don't want to do it here. My email addy is amelfinland (use