|crime: failed to return a cup of sugar|
I am not quite sure what I am feeling these days:
In the last month, I have heard of two more women the same age as me
having double mastectomies
and this last week alone
a suicide of a high school art classmate
and today the death of a college classmate
(We had been on a study abroad trip together)
It has triggered a fear that I am not present enough in my life.
...like in a moment to moment way.
I am constantly thinking about my own mortality;
fearful that my life will end at any moment.
I am scared
I am trying to feel all these feelings and not hide from them
but they are quite overwhelming
On the inside I feel like a person walking in tiny circles
hands clutched and curled into my cheast
fearful that someone will literally
rip my heart out of me.
On the outside I am trying to smile, keep my eyes open
and be calm...and imagine a soothing unhaunted slumber at days end.