Thursday, April 25, 2013

Once a year

 
Yep, it is my birthday today.
I am not feeling a whole lot of festive.
 
I have been pulling myself through the week.
I know I have a lot to celebrate and how thankful I am for this life.
My parents are alive and mostly healthy, my body seems to be acting civil towards me,
I have an amazing husband and I am able to explore my art.
I am thankful.
 
I also have this overwhelming feeling that I don't deserve a celebration.
Like I have not done enough to earn it.
It is the battle I have been fighting.
 
All week, and last I was telling The Barren I didn't want to talk about my birthday,
 it was too emotional.
But...knowing me as well as he does,
I have overstressed my beloved, as he knows
I will want to be surrounded by friends at the last moment
and then he will be at a loss.
So to reduce The Barrens stress level I have helped him out this year.
I decided that maybe a cake eating party would make me feel better.
I will report back on that.
I am sending out the last minute invites today.
I also plan on dressing up and
we are having dinner with the parents tonight, and I know that should set me strait.
 
In beginning my birthday reflections,
I think I might go silent next year for NIAW, or not post anything in regards to my infertility.
I hope that this year, I can begin to make a metamorphosis and start to tilt the scales away from
being the infertile woman...and more about being the artist who also has
a body of work about infertility.
 
I plan on making a new list of goals for myself....
and eating loads of cake
with ice cream

9 comments:

Tracie Nall said...

I hope your cake eating party goes well. Cake and ice cream are definitely good things.

Happy birthday. (you DO deserve a celebration of you)

Egg Timer said...

Enjoy your party and very happy birthday to you.

Mali said...

Happy Birthday! I hope the Barren makes a big fuss of you.

LaLa said...

I do hope you have a lovely birthday - you deserve it!!

Illanare said...

Happy (now belated) birthday!

Team Harries said...

hi from iclw! my dh's birthday as well, a very special day indeed :) Happy belated!

Wolfers said...

Happy birthday, hope things go your way- full of love and hugs!

Stinky said...

Last line - winner! Many happy returns on your special day

Jen said...

I think your idea is a great one. I sense that need for change and shift in your words. I hope you had a good day, but I am certain next years is going to seem quite different.