OK so it only took two text messages and a call to The Barren to get me out of the car,
that I had parked up the street from the home I had arrived a half an hour early at.
I am not gonna lie, I was scared...of what I am still not sure still but
it was like taking that unsure step knowing you would really have to make more of a little jump, but you wouldn't scrape your knee in the act.
I was just scared of making a total fool of myself.
It was one of those.
I had stopped at a market and brought a little plant for the hostess, and when I started seeing other women arriving I grabbed the plant, put another layer of deodorant on (I brought it with my change of clothes) and my sweater and took a deep breathe and remembered The Barrens mantra.
He said it worked for him when he had similar situations, just pretend you are the confident person you aspire to be...I had worked it out a little different in my head,
I was a secret super hero, my powers were hidden but I was able to bring them up in a flash and my cape was invisible. (I had to have some sort of flourish)
I walked into the open front door, I said a timid "hello", there was no response...but there was a bathroom right there in the entry...and my over anxious bladder had her own plans...so I jumped into the bathroom, checked my teeth and washed my hands...and when I opened the door, a group of women was there signing in...so I smiled said hello and entered the party...it was simple.
When I looked up after signing in the group had vanished so I of course went the wrong way and had a nice chat with the caterer, and the friend of the hostess who made great efforts that I was comfortable and had a drink in hand in no time.
I found my way out back and it was like when Dorthy opens the door in the Wizard of Oz and her world goes from black and white to color.
|the magical back yard|
The house was AMAZING, and the backyard where the event was to take place was mind blowing...there were three detached studios in the terraced backyard the largest (two level loft) belonged to the hostess, the others were used by artists who rent them out for their own work.
|entrance to the studio of the hostess|
Her paintings are similar to Rousseau or Kahlo
I strolled the grounds (it was really a perfectly laid out terraced big backyard) and I could see the talent in the plant selection and placement...I could imagine it all growing into a mature landscape and how beautiful it was yet to become.
|little sculptures were dotted all through the garden|
Women started filing into the yard and I started with chatting to a person I know,
then a new person joined us and I was off and running!
It was like remembering to ride a bike...
ohhh yeah I remember how this can be fun not all bad after all.
I fell into an easy uneasiness in no time and the uncomfortable faded quickly into a
" wow this is pretty cool"
I did not have a single "do you have kids" question, NONE not even a passing reference!
It was divine! Mature conversation about my art, their art, inspirations, methods and theories.
I got to exchange cards and tonight I will be writing my "it was so nice to meet you emails"
I was sort of high from all the good feelings, even after my car ride home.
When I woke up this morning, all I had left of the anxiety from last night was a massively circled reminder in my weekly calender.
|Look the sun rose again!|
I am still alive and it does feel better the next morning
It is kind of refreshing to reuse that emotion that unlocks good surprises.
I can say that I enjoyed myself, I really can, I am looking at the week after next and realizing all
the potential conversations and learning ahead of me...but not in a " oh gosh that is gonna suck" way...but a WOW I can't wait to talk to this person.