Monday, September 24, 2012


I am reminded at the start of each work week that things start anew
...over and over again.
sunrise view from my office
I am continuing to make big efforts to meet with friends; for my mental health and theirs.
I have been working hard at creating new friendships, and so far it has been rewarding. 
During a recent chat, one of these friends mentioned that things were tense, she was freaking out and anxious about money and her relationship and how life is shifting quickly.
We talked out a good brainstorm and made a list of sorts about how she would find things less crazy, and what she needed to do to feel more in control.
In the end, she sighed and said:
"I know it will be so much better when I wake up tomorrow, it always is"
I admired that, the unshakable knowledge that things will be brighter the next some way.
Maybe it is just a little distance, or a little extra breathing space...but the ability to just see things that much more clearly and calmly.
I can honestly say that infertility has made me less social, hence the strides to "break out of my shell"
In some ways I have lost major pieces of my social skills,
or I seem to want to make less effort at them.
What is out of practice is now needing to be relearned.
Sometimes this is like dragging a wet blanket behind me,
other times it is like finding a lovely scent and following it.
It is always something isn't it.
Well, my newest homework is going to come into play tonight.
I am a new member of an academic woman's group. One that plays a role for my art,
 as well as, just a good group of new people to become friendly with. 
Tonight's goal:
Walk up to a new person, learn about them and then REMEMBER their name.
I have been given tips on how to do this from the chattiest person I know.
As she was explaining the nuances, I felt like an alien being introduced to a culture, and a child.
My dignity and ego has taken a back seat for sure.

 When I was thinking about this evenings goal on the way to work today, I was sweating, anxious and then I remembered two things:
This evening will not kill me, I might be uncomfortable, but I will not die from it
it will be better when I wake up tomorrow morning.


Mali said...

Like you I think infertility has affected me socially - it hasn't helped that I've been working from home as I went through the latter stages of infertility and then the whole "coming to terms" period. So this is a very good reminder that I need to force myself to relearn social skills, or at least to become comfortable at being uncomfortable again!

And you and your friend are right - it always feels better in the morning.

EndoJourney said...

Hi from ICLW! You totally nailed it on the head. Infertility changes you, haunts you and scars you in so many ways. I think it's so normal and common after having dealt with infertility to create a shell around yourself. But I am so inspired by you to see how proactive you're being to work through that and regain your sense of self. What an incredibly powerful post. Thank you for that.

alloallo said...

I know this feeling, but it's so great to get out there again and talk to people about other things in your life (of which there are many). I hope that the evening went well.

Nicole said...

I hear you on this too... since all that, I've become much more of a home body. I want to nest and stay in a lot. It frustrates Ross as he wants to go out more than I do and I find myself nervous with new lady friends. This is a great goal you've set - very positive, forward moving and inspiring :)