Thursday, July 19, 2012

Dedicated to someone I love

image via flickr

A friend from my childhood, heck one of my only friends in that point in my life is having her breasts removed tomorrow. The doctors found multiple lumps in both breasts that were not there last year.
I am not sure I am really processing it all, or maybe I am processing too much of it...manifesting it as my own body.
Regardless it is something I seem to be having tick away in my mind these last couple of weeks.
I purchased a bracelet with her name on it, and have been wearing it everyday since it's arrival, to remind me to meditate on her and her goals from this surgery.
She is a woman who has up to now, been just like her mother; in flaunting her breasts, talking about them and laughing at them. She takes great pride in them and rightly so, they are beautiful.
Is it strange for a friend to admire another friends pride in her breasts? 
It in many ways, has made me reflect on my blessings in this time.
I think that is a really sucky part of finding out that someone is so horribly sick, about to die, or hurting; human nature makes you think about yourself and how you are not that person.
It is a twisted way to see things and reflect. 
Like when you pass a fender bender on the road, my first thoughts are " phew, glad that is not me...note to self, pay closer attention around that curve"

I am sitting here thinking I am glad I am not losing my breasts, I am thankful I have asked for mammograms since I was 34. I am thankful that of the amount of stuff I grow in this crazy body of mine; none seems set on killing me.
I am also thankful that I have her to still call, and send cards to. I am thankful that she gave me my first diary and told me to write in it everyday.
I am in awe of the courage and grace she is facing this terrifying monster who has suddenly taken a spot in her body so close to her huge and wonderful heart.

I wrote her a letter today:

Dear wonderful friend,
I know that tomorrow is a big day and I wanted to let you know that I am with you,
I have been meditating on you and your goals...I adore you and know that you have strength beyond your knowledge.

Which you demonstrate daily.
Also know that people around you want to express their love and support for you and the boys in many ways...allow them.

This is how we all learn to accept love and deeper levels of respect.
Your boys will be stronger men when taught that giving love and compassion makes them real men.
Allow them to help and be whatever you need. Allow your body to heal and let others help you with that.
I love you beyond words and carry you in my heart daily.
Please accept my words as ones of love and care, in a time when I feel useless.

1 comment:

Nicole said...

Thinking about you and your dear friend. My mom is a breast cancer survivor, had to have one of her breasts removed... it is more difficult than I can even imagine, even having had cancer.

Sending you and her both good vibes and love. Take care of yourself! I feel you've faced too many challenges already this year.