Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Thinly Coated

My Grandmothers Hands
I am feeling so very raw.
Like I have the thinnest protection and yet I am walking thru a knife shop.
I am proud of my work, I do think it really speaks to the pain and loss both emotionally and physically that infertility makes.
As I look again at the work as I tuck it into their frames and mats...I am moved again.
Frightened and moved.
I simply feel like I need to be touched...that sense that you are not alone,
the quiet comfort, that someone else is there.

I am missing my grandmothers dearly and keep calling to them.
In moments of panic I find myself looking at pictures of them to soothe me.

My grandmothers are both gone from this world.
One a little over 4years, the other just shy of 2 years.
I had very different relationships with each, but both were close ones.
I was terrified when I told them about our childless future.
One simply wept...openly and deeply.
Then never mentioned it again, but asked once if I was still in pain.
The other wanted to make it all better,
she hugged me and sent me a card with money in it
suggesting I go buy myself something bright to wear.

I want to share this show with them...but I can't.

I have already decided to wear something to the show opening that reminds me of them,
a quiet personal reminder that they would be there if they could.

At least that is what I am telling myself

5 comments:

msfitzita said...

The love you have for your grandmothers shines through your words, and it's just lovely. Thank you for that.

I miss mine too.

ox

(ICWL)

Mummy in Waiting said...

I can relate to how you are feeling as I lost my mother to cancer 7 years ago and the pain never leaves but it does get easier.

ICLW#12

Crossed Fingers said...

I'm sorry about your loss but so happy that you have such fond memories of how kind they each were to you.

ICLW #115
http://lovelyladybump.blogspot.com/

Kristin said...

What a beautiful tribute to your grandmothers. The love you feel for them and the pain you are experiencing from missing them truly shine through. {{{Hugs}}}

~ICLW #18

Cajun Cutie said...

Your grandmother is very loved. (ICOMLEAVWE)