|My Grandmothers Hands|
I am feeling so very raw.
Like I have the thinnest protection and yet I am walking thru a knife shop.
I am proud of my work, I do think it really speaks to the pain and loss both emotionally and physically that infertility makes.
As I look again at the work as I tuck it into their frames and mats...I am moved again.
Frightened and moved.
I simply feel like I need to be touched...that sense that you are not alone,
the quiet comfort, that someone else is there.
I am missing my grandmothers dearly and keep calling to them.
In moments of panic I find myself looking at pictures of them to soothe me.
My grandmothers are both gone from this world.
One a little over 4years, the other just shy of 2 years.
I had very different relationships with each, but both were close ones.
I was terrified when I told them about our childless future.
One simply wept...openly and deeply.
Then never mentioned it again, but asked once if I was still in pain.
The other wanted to make it all better,
she hugged me and sent me a card with money in it
suggesting I go buy myself something bright to wear.
I want to share this show with them...but I can't.
I have already decided to wear something to the show opening that reminds me of them,
a quiet personal reminder that they would be there if they could.
At least that is what I am telling myself