Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Thinly Coated

My Grandmothers Hands
I am feeling so very raw.
Like I have the thinnest protection and yet I am walking thru a knife shop.
I am proud of my work, I do think it really speaks to the pain and loss both emotionally and physically that infertility makes.
As I look again at the work as I tuck it into their frames and mats...I am moved again.
Frightened and moved.
I simply feel like I need to be touched...that sense that you are not alone,
the quiet comfort, that someone else is there.

I am missing my grandmothers dearly and keep calling to them.
In moments of panic I find myself looking at pictures of them to soothe me.

My grandmothers are both gone from this world.
One a little over 4years, the other just shy of 2 years.
I had very different relationships with each, but both were close ones.
I was terrified when I told them about our childless future.
One simply wept...openly and deeply.
Then never mentioned it again, but asked once if I was still in pain.
The other wanted to make it all better,
she hugged me and sent me a card with money in it
suggesting I go buy myself something bright to wear.

I want to share this show with them...but I can't.

I have already decided to wear something to the show opening that reminds me of them,
a quiet personal reminder that they would be there if they could.

At least that is what I am telling myself


msfitzita said...

The love you have for your grandmothers shines through your words, and it's just lovely. Thank you for that.

I miss mine too.



Mummy in Waiting said...

I can relate to how you are feeling as I lost my mother to cancer 7 years ago and the pain never leaves but it does get easier.


Crossed Fingers said...

I'm sorry about your loss but so happy that you have such fond memories of how kind they each were to you.

ICLW #115

Kristin said...

What a beautiful tribute to your grandmothers. The love you feel for them and the pain you are experiencing from missing them truly shine through. {{{Hugs}}}

~ICLW #18

Cajun Cutie said...

Your grandmother is very loved. (ICOMLEAVWE)