Friday, September 24, 2010

I confess

I think I made a terrible mistake tonight....I was out to dinner with hubby and was trying really hard to simply relax, as my lack of sleep this last week has left me running on empty.
I am thrilled to have the whole show ready for the gallery but the stress will escalate Sunday and all of next week...so tonight was a "break" a date and a little relaxing.

As we were leaving I saw a woman who I know thru other people and her hubby. She smiled and started a conversation, "are you ready for the show?" I said I was closer and happy to have it open this next week. She said that they were coming to the show as they are personally familiar with infertility too. I said " I had heard, us infertiles seem to know one another" at this I saw the look of confusion and a little shock, then they were told that their table was ready...it was awkward and we said good night quickly and left.
I felt horrible...I have spent the last two days talking almost nonstop to people from news papers and online magazines about my infertility and I guess my sense of social graces has dropped. I need to honor her and realize that she doesn't talk about her infertility or refer to herself in the same way.
We raced home and sent an apology to her:

"Dear sweet lady whom I just barely know,
I realized as we were walking away from our short and very sweet conversation that I might have hurt your feelings...I am sorry.
I should have said "I am sorry that we are in the same crappy sorority". I am sorry that you and your hubby have also not gotten the results you had hoped for.
I have been speaking a lot about my own struggles with infertility,
that I guess some of my filters have dropped and I did not mean to make you or your hubby feel uncomfortable or angry.
Please forgive my misstep in words or actions,
I do hope that you still come to see the show, as hopefully my work will speak better then I did for myself.
The Barreness"

I have made a promise to myself that I will be
far far far better at being present and conscience in my words.
I hope she can forgive me...

5 comments:

Sup yo. said...

You know, your blog post made me think that about how I talk about infertility, as I've started to get used to really talking about it with people.

It was kind of you to write an apology letter. Has she replied?

Sarah S said...

That was really nice of you to email and apologize , so many people would have just brushed it off!

Happy ICLW!!

#100

Suzy said...

Oh i hate that feeling, where you realise you have said something wildly inappropriate/socially awkward. I do it a lot. I think your apology email was lovely though, I hope she responds.

the Barreness said...

Thank you ladies, yes she did respond:
"Not at all did you hurt my feelings! I am so fine and happy now that I am not down that road as at the time it was consuming and draining me. Since we decided its not our path a huge weight has been lifted and we think positive about what we have now and focus on travel and our niece and nephew. i think its wonderful that you can express your feelings artistically and hope you are happy whatever you decide to do. look forward to seeing your work. Have a fantastic weekend and see you next Friday."

lifewithoutbaby said...

Thanks for posting this confession. Once you get comfortbale talking about infertility you forget that you maybe weren't always that way. It also sounds as if your show has helped you gain some detachment. I write about my infertility and at some point it becomes about the writing and (dare I say) the product, which puts more distance between the personal side of it. We forget that others just may not want to talk about it.
This was a really insightful post.