I finally sent a baby present out.
It grew from "forgetting to send it" to something I was becoming aware of avoiding.
I needed to get the item out of my home.
It is gone now.
Boxing it up, wrapping it carefully in the tissue paper, thinking of my friends swollen belly...it was all very painful.
I went to dinner with friends last night, they have two children. I found myself spending time just gazing at the girls.
Looking closely at their hair and skin, imaging cuddling and whispering to them in the dark night.
I am so sad that I will never have this.
Why was I chosen to be barren? Why am I The Barreness?